This is a general public update to let everyone know where things are at in my life right now. I hope this makes things a little easier to grasp when dealing with me. Thanks in advance.<\/p>\n
1. Today my computer monitor finally croaked. For the time being I have no way to use my home computer. I am typing this on my laptop, which does not have Photoshop, Acrobat, Debut, VideoPad, or any of the other programs I use for work\/creating content.<\/p>\n
2. Until sometime later this week, I will have not had home internet for several months.\u00a0<\/p>\n
3. I haven’t had phone service for over a year. I couldn’t get my old number and it screwed everything up. I’ve been using a TracFone burner that picks up wi-fi.\u00a0<\/p>\n
4. I can’t afford a car. Not even ZipCar. Most of the time I can’t even afford public transit.\u00a0<\/p>\n
5. For the past four years I’ve had to run two fans in my bedroom to drown out the sounds of the woman next door violently beating her children, the woman downstairs who shouts into her phone for an average of ten hours a day directly beneath my bed, and other random sounds of the hellhole I can’t even afford to live in. I have nowhere else to go. I have no one. There is nowhere I can go for peace and quiet. Not even the library where I use the wi-fi. \u00a0<\/p>\n
6. Today I had the second anxiety breakdown of the week. This makes a “regular job”, whatever that is, improbable. If I can’t sleep at least five hours a night, which I can’t, my alarm doesn’t wake me up because I can’t tell dreams from reality. I’m not going to take sleeping pills just because I live adjacent to shitty people. Melatonin is more than enough.\u00a0<\/p>\n
7. I’ve been going to Grady for years for treatment. I’m not going to humiliate myself by having a breakdown in front of someone as proof. If I’m around anyone it just comes out as uncontrollable apoplexy, and then I become catatonically embarrassed. Typically it manifests as me not being able to get out of bed for hours, like today. If anyone thinks I’m “faking”, fine. Do us both a favor and never work a suicide hotline.\u00a0<\/p>\n
8. My cousin is helping me out with a new monitor. If he and several devoted fans and\/or friends weren’t helping me out financially since 2017 I’d be dead. Try to think about the options someone who spent 30+ years drawing subversive cartoons has in the 2020’s. I can assure you it’s slim to none. I have to invent opportunities for myself. The computer I’ve been using for years now (a sweet Dell Optiplex) was even a donation from a very good friend. I have this laptop and my Wacom tablet only because there were stimulus checks under Trump. Without Trump I’d be worse off than I am now. I don’t care what anyone thinks about that. I really don’t.\u00a0<\/p>\n
9. I have considered pawning my amazing Wacom tablet because I had to cancel my Adobe subscription, and I barely use it anyway since I have to go to the library for wi-fi (depending on when they’re open). Both Adobe and Amazon overdrafted my bank account in the past two months, costing me over $100 in fees.\u00a0<\/p>\n
10. Amazon will not let me access my account or cancel it because my old phone died and I can’t get the number back. I can’t access or cancel it from someone else’s phone. I haven’t been able to use Amazon Prime in over a year because of this.\u00a0<\/p>\n
11. I have been experiencing piercing headaches and random chest pains for a while now. The only reason I was able to get some rest today was because I dragged my old boom box out of the closet and cranked up radio static to cover the animal downstairs who yells into her phone for ten hours a day. I woke up about an hour ago with a worse headache.\u00a0<\/p>\n
12. I want everyone to think about what it is like living above a foreign person who screams and yells for ten hours a day. I want you to think real hard about it. My monthly rent, which I ostensibly pay half of, is $1,200. Think about killing yourself trying to make enough money to live in this situation. Think about all the things you saved from childhood, that you loved, that you had to sell for just another month. Think about the lengths to which you’d go to try not to lose your mind needing a mere quantum of peace and quiet. Before you ask- the landlord could give a shit. Nobody cares. Really, think about what years of that would do to your attitude and your mental state. And it’s nobody’s fault but my own. I made the wrong choices in life.\u00a0<\/p>\n
13. \u00a0Not only did my beloved hamster Gomez pass on this month, but so did a wonderful sweet kitty belonging to my roommate, who was around 17 and suffered a long, painful decline. For months we were cleaning up her accidents rather than putting her down. That’s how wonderful and sweet.\u00a0<\/p>\n
14. I’m not quitting what I do. I’ll die first.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Thanks as always for your support and understanding. I think I covered everything. Probably not.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This is a general public update to let everyone know where things are at in my life right now. I hope this makes things a little easier to grasp when dealing with me. Thanks in advance. 1. Today my computer monitor finally croaked. For the time being I have no way to use my home … <\/p>\n